"Whoa, I'm 3 weeks old already!"
Saturday 8/15/15 – I’m trying to increase my supply. I’m drinking Mother’s Milk tea and eating lactation boosting cookies!
I also am adding an extra pump during the day which is so much fun…. (not at all).
It’s the hardest for me at night when I watch Evan take a bottle of breast milk from Julia and get so excited and drink it so fast. He looks so happy. It makes me feel like he's not getting enough from me when I breast feed him.
Then I start to tailspin into thinking I can't take care of my baby and provide for him. This is starting to get emotional.
Monday 8/17/15 - How is it that something so natural hurts so much. My new book will be titled “Breastfeeding is Not Natural”. I'm pumping and am in so much pain. The pump is on the lowest setting and it still hurts. I’m not getting even an ounce when I pump. And Evan needs anywhere from 2-4 ounces per feeding.
Not even this Guinness helped...
Although it was my first beer in 10+ months and it gave me a nice buzz!
Today his poops were dark green and the volume wasn’t what it normally was.
He's not getting enough milk from me. I know it.
I feel like I'm failing him. I would do anything for this boy and am so ready to switch to formula. He's hungry and I don't have enough milk to give him.
We already have an appointment to see the doctor on Friday but we’re calling the doctor in the morning to explain what’s going on. Evan's hungriest at night and that's when I produce even less. He breaks my heart. He will breast feed on each side for 30 minutes and then cry because he’s still hungry. I’ve been crying myself to sleep at night. I have nothing left.
Tuesday 8/18/15 – We called the doctor and they were happy we did. We explained the poop and they said the dark green color isn’t a concern. The concern is that he doesn’t have a normal volume of poop and hasn’t produced enough pee diapers.
They said what I knew they would. We have to supplement with formula. They said to breast feed him on each side for 10-15 minutes (to keep trying to boost my supply) and then offer him a 4 ounce bottle of formula. Whatever he drinks from that bottle, great. If he wants 2 ounces or 4, it doesn’t matter. Just offer him 4 and he will take what he needs.
I wanted to give him his first bottle of formula. I cried, of course. It was so heartbreaking to see that he was hungry and know that he couldn’t be satisfied from me alone. But what helped me come to terms with that very quickly was how much he loved the bottle. He drank all 4 ounces of formula. He was definitely hungry and had a full, happy belly at the end. This made me so happy.
Happy, full belly boy
Oh, and it’s our third wedding anniversary today.
We made a point to walk downstairs to our favorite sushi restaurant.
Since Evan hasn’t had his shots yet, we went at an off time and sat in the corner away from everyone. We kept him covered in the stroller. At one point he started crying and I was like, “Oh God, what do we do?!”
Julia ran back to our house and got a pacifier that we had forgotten. I rocked the stroller and he fell back asleep.
It was nice to be out of the house in the world with my wife. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. She is my rock. I love her so much.
Wednesday 8/19/15 – Today we drove to REDLANDS (i.e. 2 hours away) for a second tongue tie procedure. Since it is still so painful when I breast feed, the thought was that the first tongue tie procedure didn’t clip enough of the skin.
Like, are you f*&%ing kidding me?!
It was hard enough to go through that procedure with my little boy and now we have to do it again???
So the only pediatric dentist who uses a small LASER to remove the skin is 2 hours away. There is somehow no one in the LA area. Which is insane.
Oh, and you want to put a LASER in my son’s mouth? I was very skeptical about this.
Luckily, our boy slept in the car the whole way there. The procedure was fast and he cried but didn’t seem to be in pain. He just didn’t like people putting their fingers in his mouth.
The dentist also noticed that he has a slight lip tie. The skin on the underside of his upper lip could also prevent him from latching properly, thus causing me pain. So he corrected both of these and hopefully this will make a difference.
I’m starting to get to the end of my rope with putting poor Evan through procedures to help my pain. I know it’s obviously for his benefit so he can get the breast milk, but we aren’t traveling to Redlands again any time soon.