Thursday, September 18, 2014

9/18/14 - Mini-Breakdown

BLOATING METER:
 2 / 10

EMOTIONAL METER:
 6 / 10

So last night... It was my first night of shots. And it was absolutely, positively terrifying.
Holding a needle to the sensitive skin near your belly button is counterintuitive.

My brain says, "This isn't right! Stop!!!"


And my heart says, "Butch it up!  This is for the babies!!!!!!!"


So then come the tears.

I had a mini breakdown. Jules was incredible and was trying to talk me through everything. I insisted on giving the shots to myself and was able to do one. But she had to do the other. I just couldn't.
I started over analyzing everything and was getting light-headed and pretty much made myself hyperventilate. It was so scary.

And I hate the fact that we have to go through this to have a baby. Lesbians don't have too many choices. We are so lucky to both be healthy and have an incredibly generous, amazing close friend who donated sperm. But that doesn't make it less terrifying when you hold a needle to your stomach!

And then once it's in, you can feel it in there. This metal, foreign object inside your body where it doesn't belong. When the first needle was in, it wasn't so bad. I kind of had that thought like "that wasn't bad, I should have done this much sooner!" But I knew the other medication kind of burns when it goes in, so I was even more scared of the other one.

Tonight we are going to ice the area (forgot about that trick!) and hopefully it will be easier and faster. We didn't get much sleep because it took me over an hour to do two injections!

And today we had an early doctors appointment for Julia. Her eggs are doing well and we might have retrieval on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.


This just made me tear up.  Yeah it's day 2 and I'm a mess.

Tomorrow morning we go back for bloodwork and we both have ultrasounds over the weekend. I think we will successfully have funded our own wing at the hospital by the time this is over and done with!

No comments:

Post a Comment