Thursday, October 30, 2014

10/30/14 - The Ten Day Wait

Ok so the "two week wait" to find out if you're pregnant or not is a long ass fucking time. So the fact that I only have to wait ten days should be great news right?!?!

Well it's been 3 days and I'm going nuts. Just trying not to think about it as much as I can but then you feel a tiny cramp in your uterus.


And you feel helpless like you don't know what's happening in your own body.
Because. You. Don't.

11/5 can't come soon enough. My tapes are telling me to have gratitude and think of that when these questions arise. I'm trying to do that because I am so beyond grateful that we were even able to get to this point. And now here we are. We made it through DOUBLE SIMULTANEOUS IVF. And I recovered and we were able to do the transfer and we have the best embryo possible.

Fail proof right?! Here's hoping.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

10/29/14 - Back To The Grind

Back to work today! I miss snuggling all day with our doggie :( 

Today is going well, but I'm a bit tired. Excited to go home and relax on the couch! Just trying to remain calm at work. Being here is good though I think cause it takes my mind off of things. 

One week and we will know everything! The embryo was so beautiful in the photo. Hoping it's settling in there and feeling warm and happy :) 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

10/28/14 - Bed Rest

Today has been a perfect day of relaxing. No headaches and I've been walking around a bit and getting food and catching up on TV. It's been kind of a perfect day. 

I did a tape once today and will do another one later. I'm just feeling so optimistic and hopeful. And I have been so relaxed. I'm not making a huge deal out of this. It's been a great day snuggling with Frankie on my lap :) 

Monday, October 27, 2014

10/27/14 - Lights. Camera. TRANSFER!


This is it! I'm only a few hours away from making this happen! I did another meditation tape this morning and it is designed specifically for the transfer. It was great. I'm going to do it before and after the transfer at the embryology center. I'm so excited but at the same time I'm feeling pretty calm. And not gonna lie I'm excited to take my Valium!!!!! The doctor prescribes a valium to take just before the transfer and it feels so incredible. It will soon all be in the universe's hands and I'm praying this is the one.

Now I'm sitting in the waiting room and am so excited. I'm feeling quite calm (maybe the classical music in the car helped) and my full bladder is still feeling ok for now! About an hour and a half before the scheduled transfer time, I had to drink an ENTIRE LITER of water.  Having a full bladder helps the doctor and nurse see my uterus better.  And then they insert a very fine catheter (that already has the embryo loaded inside) into my uterus and with a small burst of air, the embryo is deposited.

I'm just so excited and feeling zen. It's a great day to get pregnant! It's gorgeous outside - not a cloud in the sky and about 75 degrees. Warm in the sun and cool in the shade.

Update: I just got home and my wonderful wife made me a sandwich and headed back to work. I'm about to start my shark tank marathon and cuddle with our dog, Frankie.

The transfer was "textbook" and they said the embryo was beautiful. They gave us a picture of it and it looks different than last time. I feel so good about this. It's hard to even worry because I feel so at peace with everything. And that's not just the Valium talking!!! It went the best it could have and that little baby will be so happy in there. During the transfer we were so relaxed and ended up talking about football with our doctor and the nurses! And before the transfer, the one nurse (whom I loved and made me so comfortable last time) was there again. And we talked briefly about our egg retrievals and Jules said that I broke a record with 68 eggs. She immediately said, "Oh, you're 68!!!! You must be an all or nothing kind of girl!" I felt so famous and proud.

I went to the bathroom after the transfer was finished and thought - I'm ready.
Ready for the morning sickness.
Ready for the tantrums.
Ready for the teenage years.
We can do this.
And we can't wait to meet this tiny baby that started out so small inside me.

I just had some pineapple slices to aid with implantation! Get comfy in there little baby! 9 months is a long time!

We looked back at the embryo photo we were given with the last transfer to compare it to today's. They looked so different. The other one was smaller and darker. This one was more clear and you could see all of the tiny cells. It really is beautiful like they said. Feeling real hopeful about this.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

10/26/14 - Defrosting


I might have woken up early today and couldn't really fall back asleep. 
It was like Christmas Eve!!! 

I was thinking about all kinds of things: the birth, our baby shower, to circumcise or not to circumcise. All of these things are going through my mind and I'm like...

Let's have a baby inside me first before we think about all this stuff! 

By tomorrow, our embryo will have already thawed in preparation for the transfer.  The embryologists chose the best embryo out of those in GOOD condition that Julia had. 

I'm so excited for tomorrow. I really feel like this is it. This is the moment that changes our lives forever. 

Saturday, October 25, 2014

10/25/14 - Role Of A Lifetime


My wife is feeling better! She had been sick all week and I'm so happy to have her back and feeling more like herself. 

I'm deeming this weekend "the last weekend with my uterus as my own". 
I'm saying prayers that soon my uterus will take on the role of a lifetime, what it was made to do. And I am so excited to give my body to this tiny baby. My wife's biological child, the new love of my life. 
We decided to go with her embryo for this first round and then for our second child we will use my embryo.

I got a lot done today so tomorrow I can focus on being zen and relaxing. Then Monday it's go time! 

I'm feeling really excited and full of hope. I know it really helps that I've gone through this before. So I'm not nearly as anxious. I'm taking this in stride and am just plain excited.

Friday, October 24, 2014

10/24/14 - Shove That Where?!


We are gearing up for this transfer! 

Today I started taking Estradiol (an estrogen hormone) three times a day and every morning I get to shove an applicator with progesterone cream inside of me! 

And to top that fun off, my wife is sick with a stomach bug... so new layer of anxiety: let's make sure I don't get sick and have to postpone the transfer. 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

10/23/14 - This. Is. It.


The countdown is in full effect! I'm starting to get even more excited.

It will be good to have the entire weekend to get misc things done before my 1.5 days of bed rest. And I've updated my movies and TV list of things to do while I'm home! It will be so nice to sit and cuddle with the doggie :)

I just took a soaking bath and then did my tape.
I'm feeling relaxed and full of hope.

This. Is. It.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

10/22/14 - Hold Up


I had blood drawn this morning and just got a call from the nurse. My doctor said that I did ovulate yesterday, but today is actually day zero and the transfer occurs on day five. So the transfer is now on Monday afternoon 10/27 and my pregnancy blood test is on Wednesday 11/5.

I'm bummed that the transfer isn't on a Sunday, but I remind myself...thank God we didn't miss ovulation and pushing the transfer by one day is not the end of the world. We still get to do the transfer! And if the doctor thinks it's best, then that's what we will do.

Julia and I are going to meet at the embryology center and she will take me home and then probably go back to work. But this will all work out and I'm just so excited to do this!

And to top it all off I have had zero coffee today! Even decaf has trace amounts of caffeine. So today begins no caffeine. Hopefully for a very long time!

Bring on the sacrifices. I'm ready.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

10/21/14 - FINALLY

So here I am in the waiting room with some anxiety. I'm hoping I didn't ovulate early by some chance and hope the doctor can see that I will ovulate soon and that I should just keep testing.

I've wanted this for so long and to be so close knowing it could happen this month and to then have to wait another month would be upsetting. I'm trying to stay positive and think happy thoughts. I know everything happens for a reason. I just can't help wanting it to happen NOW!!!

Just saw my doctor who always makes me feel better. She saw a large follicle and it looks like we didn't miss ovulation! So excited to get this started!! I'm feeling calm again. Everything is happening as it should. My body just needed to adjust and it wouldn't let me down! My ovaries look good and back to normal. I can still feel the left ovary sometimes, but I'm happy to know that the doctor said it isn't swollen and it looks ok. Now I have to get a blood test which will give a more accurate reading of how close I am to ovulating.

Update: The nurse just called with my blood results---I'm ovulating!!!!! I'm so fucking excited I can barely contain myself. Thank God Jesus that the nurse suggested I come in and get an ultrasound and blood work today just to see how I'm doing so we don't miss anything.

My blood said that I'm ovulating and we didn't miss anything so THIS IS HAPPENING!!!
The transfer is scheduled for Sunday morning 10/26 at 9am and my pregnancy test blood work is on Election Day 11/4.


Afternoon update: My doctor called and she wants me to go in for more blood work tomorrow just to make sure my levels are still going up.  My cycle has been wacky since the IVF and she doesn't want to do the transfer at the wrong time. She is all over this!

Fingers crossed I'm still on track because this will be so perfect to do it Sunday.

Monday, October 20, 2014

10/20/14 - Tarot Card UPDATE!

I'm was trying to be optimistic today but I tested and got a flashing symbol again.

For the 5th time.

I told my nurse, who said I should make an appointment and come in tomorrow for an ultrasound. That way the doctor can look at my ovaries and see if we are close to ovulating or if we missed it.

Tarot Card Update:
I got my report back and some of it was ludicrous, but here are the good take-a-ways to see if they come true!

The month of February - I will get a positive test or give birth.

I will have an 8lb baby boy naturally (thank God because I don't want a c-section) and I'll be in labor for 15 hours.

He will walk and talk before he turns 1 and the number 16 is coming up for him. Maybe he'll be born on the 16th.

Stay tuned for more to see if this happens!!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

10/19/14 - Fourth Warning

I tested and got another flashing smiley face today.

I'm starting to get nervous that I won't ovulate this month. Sometimes women get the flashing smiley face for days and days and never get the solid smile symbol because they don't actually ovulate.

Fingers crossed that it happens tomorrow. Please let my ovaries BEHAVE.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

10/18/14 - Third Time Is Not A Charm

I did the ovulation test and got the flashing smiley face again. Ovulation is near, but I just want it to happen already! So I'm hoping that it happens tomorrow. 

I'm also thoroughly enjoying the meditation tapes. I'm hoping that strengthening my mind body connection helps make things happen. 

I couldn't stop the coffee cold turkey so I had a cup of decaf! 
And it was hazelnut and delicious. 

Of course by the afternoon I was pretty tired but I powered through. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

10/17/14 - This Is Your Second Warning

This whole week I've been enjoying the half caffeine coffee and today was my last one. When I did the transfer during this past summer, I ended up with horrible headaches. Even though I generally have only one cup of coffee per day, I thought let's really ween myself in preparation for this transfer in case that was the cause of my headaches.  My last cup of coffee was delicious and hopefully it will be my last cup for a very long time!

I'm ready.
Let the sacrifices begin.

Tonight we have friends in town and we are going out for sushi. Let this be the last sushi I eat for a long time too!

I'm hoping I get the ovulation symbol today or tomorrow and that we are on track for the transfer at the end of next week.

Let's. Do. This.

Afternoon Update: I got the flashing smiley face again so I haven't ovulated yet but it's coming. In the past I could get the flashing symbol for three or four days before ovulating sometimes. So I will test tomorrow and we can see what happens. I have to stay awake during the meditation tape because I think that is key! Mind body connection!! I have to talk to those ovaries and let them know it's time to go!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

10/16/14 - Hey Ovaries, You've Been Warned!

Finally!!! I did the ovulation test and got a blinking smiley face which is a warning that I'm approaching my PEAK FERTILITY window!

I had been so nervous that my body was still out of whack from the IVF shots and that maybe I wouldn't ovulate or that I did too early or that it would be real late. So this made me feel so much better.

Last night I stayed awake again during the meditation tape and it was all about the mind body connection and feeling like you can influence your body but at the same time let things be as they are meant to be. And I remember talking to my ovaries and saying, "Ok, it's almost time to ovulate. Let's get going here!"

And now I'm close! Coincidence or maybe something more :) I'm loving these tapes!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

10/15/14 - No Dice

I finally did the meditation tape and didn't fall asleep!!!!! And it was great. As long as you don't fall asleep, I highly recommend it.

I did the ovulation test this afternoon and got another negative result. Now I'm starting to think something is not quite right. I hope I didn't ovulate early and we missed it somehow and have to wait another month.

I'm trying not to get worried and just wait and see what happens tomorrow. Usually though by now I would have received a warning symbol that ovulation is coming. But nothing...

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

10/14/14 - Not Quite There Yet

Those damn meditation tapes really have been getting the best of me. Last night I even laid on the floor thinking I wouldn't be comfortable so I wouldn't fall asleep... well whoops!!! Tonight I swear I'm going to sit up and try to make it work! 

I did the ovulation test again today and it was negative, so I'm still not close to ovulating. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the warning symbol that it's coming. I'm not too nervous yet but just hope my body isn't still messed up from the IVF shots. I just want to be back to normal and ovulate on time and then I'll feel like my body has bounced back. 

I'm going to acupuncture again tonight, which will make me feel even better I'm sure. 

Monday, October 13, 2014

10/13/14 - Tarot Card Reading? Yes, Please!

I've been working on the meditation tapes but I keep falling asleep! The damn music and sound of the woman's voice are so soothing I'm out in 4 mins or less. So tonight I'm going to try laying on the floor so I'm not as comfortable as in bed.

I started using the ovulation kit tests yesterday, because as soon as I ovulate, I have to call the nurse and go in for an ultrasound. The doctor will check my ovaries for ovulation and my lining and see if we are clear to proceed with the transfer.

I have not tested positive yet for ovulation, but I think it won't happen until the end of the week. So a few more days to go.

Fun fact of the day: Apparently there is something called a TTC (trying to conceive) tarot card reading?!?!

My friend told me about it and for $15 you get a reading based on your name and date of birth. It tells you about all kinds of things including how long your labor might be, the sex of your baby, etc. Sounds pretty exciting!

I love this stuff so for only $15, I'M WAY IN!!! I'll keep you posted when I get my reading back.

Today I started drinking a half-caff (half caffeine and half regular coffee). I'll continue this through Friday and then it's off the deep end into the DECAF ZONE!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

10/12/14 - WAWA

In preparation for the embryo transfer, I'm weening myself off caffeine.
Today I had my last cup of regular coffee...
and it was from WAWA! 

I have the best friends visiting who didn't even realize they brought me the best gift!
Hopefully this is my last cup of coffee for a very long time - and the fact that it was from WAWA makes it perfect :) 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

10/9/14 - Gratitude

Let's take a moment to be thankful and ever so grateful for what we have. In the news there has been this young couple from Philly who were pregnant and knew their son had a rare birth defect and couldn't survive for very long outside the womb. They created a bucket list taking him all over town and doing all kinds of things with him before he was born. She went into labor and he was born but died 4 hours later.

I just read this today and was holding back tears. I can't imagine carrying a baby for nine months knowing that he won't survive. These parents are so strong and embraced a tragedy with a bucket list and tons of hope. I pray that Jules and I have a healthy, happy baby as I'm sure any parent does. That's all that matters. Boy or girl whichever we are meant to have is great! Just please let him/her be healthy. We have so much to be thankful for and it's easy to lose sight of it. Sadly, it often takes someone else's tragedy to wake you up so you are grateful for what you do have.

So today let's not worry about the wish list we all have in our minds or the things we hope to accomplish one day.

Let's be thankful for today.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

10/8/14 - Meditation Success

I had acupuncture last night and am feeling a little better. Maybe my ovary swelling went down a little which is nice.

I did the meditation tape last night in the guest room and stayed awake! The tape was all about relaxing and I LOVED IT. I can't wait to continue with the tapes. I think they will be really helpful as we approach the embryo transfer. I'm starting to get excited about the transfer and after already having done it once, I feel much more laid back. So I can get excited this time and am not nearly as nervous. I know what to expect and that is huge for me since not knowing usually induces panic for me!!!

I'm excited for this to happen and let it be and have that little baby grow inside me and have it be happy and healthy :)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

10/7/14 - Meditate---ZzZzZzZzZz

 2 / 10

 5 / 10

So last night I did the meditation tape. I got ready for bed and laid down and was really excited to get this started. I'm not a yoga/meditation kind of gal but I've always known it would be good for me. And I don't know how to sit there and just meditate so I loved the idea of a tape walking me through it step by step.

So I laid down and put on my headphones.
And then the cat came over clearly thinking it's snuggle time.
And I realized this would be harder than I thought.

I made it through the first exercise and then something happened.
I fell asleep.
I woke up a few minutes later to "this concludes the frozen embryo transfer tape".

So we have a new plan for tonight. I'm going to do it before getting ready for bed and will recline in our guest room with the door closed so cute little animals can't bother me.

Our guest room will eventually become the baby's room, so I feel like there is some good energy in doing it there.

Monday, October 6, 2014

10/6/14 - Stop O-VA-RY-acting

 3 / 10

 5 / 10

My stomach is getting back to normal and I'm feeling great. I haven't felt the left ovary much today so hopefully it's calming down.

It needs to stop O-VA-RY-acting!

I start using the ovulation test on Sunday.  We need to know when I'm ovulating and then we plan the transfer accordingly. So we are getting closer and tonight I swear I will start the meditation tape.
I'm actually looking forward to it :)

Sunday, October 5, 2014

10/5/14 - You're Getting Very Sleepy

 4 / 10

 6 / 10

I'm feeling so much better everyday. Although every now and then I can feel my left ovary. Maybe it's still swollen. I'll ask the doctor about it if it's still uncomfortable this week.

Per a friend's suggestion, I bought some meditation tapes tonight. There is this site called Circle & Bloom. It is so comprehensive and includes information about nearly EVERY single stage of trying to conceive (TTC) and pregnancy.  I've always known that meditation is something that would be good for me, but I hate that shit!  I have no idea how to do it and need some guidance, so these tapes will hopefully prove to be the answer!

I'm getting excited about this transfer and feeling so full of hope. Like THIS IS IT!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

10/4/14 - Cramps No More

 4 / 10

 6 / 10

It's hard to believe that one week ago I just had 68 eggs taken out of me! I am doing so much better and actually feel like I have my body back.

This is the first period where I haven't had cramps IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
As my wife said, I've been through enough! It was a nice treat. And hopefully this is my last period for a while because it's time to get pregnant soon!!!!!

Friday, October 3, 2014

10/3/14 - Hello Aunt Flo

 5 / 10

 7 / 10

Aaaaand now I'm bleeding. Which was nerve wracking as hell last night when I first noticed it. But it turns out that when you have a Lupron trigger shot, it shuts your hormones down and makes you get an earlier period.
So here it is. 8 days early.

At least I don't have my killer cramps just yet. So now that we know this is normal, we are calming down and breathing again! And this moves everything up timing wise for the transfer, which is exciting and scary all at once.

I could be ovulating in 2 weeks around 10/17 and we could do a transfer that following week!!!!

Embryo report for Kayt:
They ended up freezing some GOOD and some FAIR embryos.
We are so happy with these final numbers and feel very fortunate that we went through this together.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

10/2/14 - Skinny Jeans Are Back

 5 / 10

 6 / 10

I'm feeling even more like myself today. And I'm so happy to fit into these jeans!!!

Embryo report for Kayt:
They were able to freeze some that were in GOOD condition.
I will get another report tomorrow about the remaining ones that are all in FAIR condition right now. Probably not all of them will make it and some could still turn into GOOD ones. We will know the final count tomorrow.

Between the two of us, we know we have some GOOD and some FAIR embryos. Final count tomorrow!!!

Feeling so good about this. We will be mommies before we know it!