Wednesday, December 31, 2014

12/31/14 - Week 12: Large Plum

Today the baby is the size of...
A LARGE PLUM!


(Ok, plums aren't in season, so we used a small avocado for this one!)

Happy New Year's Eve!
I can't believe 2015 is hours away and will be without a doubt the biggest year of our lives.

Blackbird is the size of a large plum!  No wonder I have been feeling so much pressure recently. It's huge! The spotting has really slowed down in this last week and I'm hoping that maybe the placenta started migrating toward the top of my uterus. Because that would be lovely!


I wonder what New Year's Eve will be like next year. Trust me, we aren't having a rager tonight but next year we will have a 5 month old!
So fun to imagine what our life will be like with three of us.

Monday, December 29, 2014

12/29/14 - All About The Genes

Today we had our first of two big tests done for this trimester. 
We met with the genetics counselor and went over our family histories, etc. 

Because this baby is from my wife's egg and she's 36, we qualified for extra genetic testing due to Advanced Maternal Age (which is 35 and above). I'd like to think we're still young but if we get extra tests to make sure Blackbird is ok then I'm in! 

The office visit went over the tests that would be performed and they are able to review the baby's chromosomes through my blood! I think that's so awesome. Thank you technology. No amnio! 
The test will check for Down's syndrome and a few other chromosome abnormalities to tell us our chances that the baby has one of them. Like 1 in 300 kind of thing. There are false positives and negatives of course but this test is pretty damn accurate. So I painlessly had my blood drawn and said a little prayer and we will know hopefully in 10 days or less!

We will also be able to know the baby's gender because they test the sex chromosome! So in preparation, we did 10 old wives tale tests from random sites on the internet.

Here are the outcomes:

1) Baking Soda Test: Add urine to some baking soda in a cup. If it fizzes, it's a boy. No fizz means a girl.  GIRL

2) String Test: In this gender test, you hang a ring from a string over your belly. If the ring swings back and forth, it's a boy. If it swings in a circle, you are carrying a girl.  GIRL

3) Acne: Unusual breakouts means girl. No difference in skin means boy.  BOY

4) Key test: Ask the pregnant mom to pick up a key. If she picks the key up by the narrow end, it's a girl. If she picks up the key by the rounded top, it's a boy.  BOY

5) Morning Sickness: This test says that if you have extreme morning sickness that lasts beyond the first trimester, you are probably pregnant with a girl.  BOY


7) Mayan Calendar: The Mayans combine the mothers age at conception, and the year of conception. If the result is an even number, it's a girl. If the result is an odd number, a little boy is on the way!  GIRL

8) Heartbeat: If your baby's heartbeat is 140 beats-per-minute or above, it's a girl. Below 140, a boy.  GIRL

9) Cravings: This old wives tale says if you are craving salty foods while pregnant, it's a boy. Having sweet cravings? A girl is in your future!  GIRL

10) Chinese Calendar: This one is really confusing, but you enter dates of your birth year, etc and it predicts the gender.  GIRL

GIRL = 6
BOY = 4


What do YOU think it is???

Thursday, December 25, 2014

12/25/14 - Dear Blackbird, Part 1

Merry Christmas! 

We want you to know that we love you so much. 
I can't believe that next Christmas you will be 5 months old already. We can't wait to spend next Christmas with you. Everyone will be spoiling you! 
So for now you stay in there and keep doing your thing, growing big and strong.


Love, 
your mommies

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

12/24/14 - Week 11: Lime

Today the baby is the size of...
A LIME!



I can't believe Blackbird is as big as a lime! That seems huge to me! 
And only a few more weeks and we will be in the second trimester thank god. 
The baby has a tongue and is using its mouth to yawn and swallow! So adorable. Oh and the fingers and toes aren't webbed anymore which is a huge plus ;)

I'm still experiencing spotting and it's still pretty scary. It's only enough to show up on a panty liner and there is no heavy volume by any means so I know everything is ok. The doctor said severe cramping and/or heavy volume like a period are concerns. And I don't have either of those.

I know we didn't come 11 weeks (plus years in preparation alone) to get to this point and lose Blackbird. But I just wish I wasn't spotting. 

Can't the placenta move up already?? 
Do I need to stand on my head? Cause I'm considering it!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

12/23/14 - Tiny Dancer

Today we went to the doctor because I have had some spotting for over a week and we wanted to make sure everything was ok. The spotting had been minimal and light brown and yesterday it was dark brown and there was more of it. Also yesterday I was feeling lower abdominal pressure. So of course all of these combinations freaked me out! I don't want to see anything coming out of me for 9 months, let alone some blood!

We went back to the IVF office and met with another doctor since ours is currently on maternity leave (even the baby doctors are having babies!). The doctor immediately saw the heartbeat and showed us so we felt better. 
I started crying of course. 
I felt so much better that we went and now we know Blackbird is just fine. They said the placenta is low and near the cervix so that could cause a little bleeding. But this should all be fine and the placenta will move up as the baby grows.

Then they showed us the baby again. 
It was DANCING! 
We saw it moving around like crazy in there! And I saw its arm! It is looking like a tiny baby dancer! And my wife's favorite thing to do is have dance parties, so this made her cry!  
Blackbird was like, "I got this moms! I'm good! Don't worry!"

The heartbeat was 150 beats per minute and the doctor said that's perfect. The doctor also said that a third of women experience spotting especially in the first trimester. 
Let's start talking about this shit ladies!!!! That way we won't think it's so abnormal and we won't stress out as much!


And then we asked the doctor about the fact that I touched spackle and this made them laugh. I said it was their weird question of the day. They reassured us that if I don't eat it I should be fine! Whew!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

12/21/14 - Spack-Attack

When you're pregnant, you can't do everything that you used to. 
Like I obviously can't get bombed at a friend's party anymore or drink three cups of coffee the next day to help with that inevitable hangover.
What you also can't do is spackle. 

For those who know me, I'm extremely handy around the house (no pun intended). I love installing new light fixtures and thermostats or painting and spackling. Well, today we reorganized some accent furniture pieces and we had two holes in the wall that were now visible and needed to be patched. 

So do I ask my wife to do that? 
Of course not! 
I'm the handy one! 

I get out the "patch and paint" container and smear it over the holes. The one hole wasn't smoothing out, so I touched it slightly and BAM the hole was covered. I washed my hands immediately and put the container away.

Later Julia and I were talking about another hole that needed to be patched and when I offered to do it, she asked if the spackle was safe. 
I said, "Sure!" 
She asked to see the container and I wouldn't let her! 

I read the labels and there was a nice warning about "avoiding skin contact" and the "chemicals inside can cause birth defects". Great. I never thought about this before and suddenly my heart sank. Did I hurt Blackbird?? 
I immediately admitted to my wife that I touched the spackle and shouldn't have and we are just new to all this and are still learning. It's hard to go from being able to do everything to having to think about every single thing you do or put in your body. 

I'm feeling fine and I know that the spackle was on my finger for all of ten seconds MAX before I washed my hands. Absorption into the skin was minimal to none and let's remember that pregnant women have done far stupider things than this and still had normal, healthy babies. 

As my wife said, there are pregnant women who smoke crack and somehow have healthy babies. 
So this made me feel better!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

12/17/14 - Week 10: Prune

I can't believe I'm 10 weeks pregnant today! It's double digits territory!
Today the baby is the size of...
A PRUNE!



Apparently now the baby has recognizable facial features and is looking more like a baby and less like an alien!  Also, if it's a girl, the ovaries are forming with tiny eggs inside and if it's a boy, he's already making testosterone! It feels like so much is happening so fast.

My nausea is definitely better (although it was never bad to begin with - I was very lucky). I did have very minor spotting again yesterday - two more light brown drops and that's been it. I know that if something was really wrong I would be bleeding profusely and would be in pain I'm sure. 
Plus deep down I know that Blackbird is just fine and there is nothing to worry about. So we are still breathing and are counting down the days until my next ultrasound... 19 to go!


And I'm finally starting to show a little! Some of my button down shirts for work are a little tight in the belly area so I might need some bigger tops soon. Can't wait for this baby to get bigger and bigger!

Frankie is already protecting Blackbird!



These weeks in between doctor's visits are excruciating!  I just want to buy an ultrasound machine so I can see Blackbird whenever I want!  

I mean how expensive could they be?
Tax write-off???

Monday, December 15, 2014

12/15/14 - Spotting...


Two days ago on Saturday, I went to the bathroom and noticed two small drops of light pink blood. Ok, I thought, DON'T PANIC. Blackbird is still ok. Then nothing happened until Sunday evening when I saw two drops that were light brown. And then nothing the rest of the night or today. 

So just to be sure I emailed our IVF nurse. She was so sweet and called me to say that she wasn't worried about it at all. She said my cervix could have been irritated but she reassured me that if something was wrong I would be bleeding. 
A LOT. 

So I feel much better and am hoping this doesn't happen anymore because seeing any bleeding while you're carrying a small green olive inside you is straight up TERRIFYING! 

I'll keep you posted but am hoping that it's over.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

12/10/14 - Week 9: Green Olive


I can't believe we are 9 weeks today!!! 
Today the baby is the size of...
A GREEN OLIVE!



The baby is no longer an embryo and is now a FETUS! 
And my skinny jeans haven't lasted past the start of week 8. Thank God I found some belly bands that are helping because zippering these jeans is not happening any time soon! 

I have been feeling less anxious about the baby. I know it's still in there! I feel a full lower abdomen and my boobs hurt like hell. My body is definitely letting me know that I'm pregnant. Which is still a strange thought. 

Here I am starting my third month and I'm PREGNANT! Such a miracle that we are thankful for every single day. Can't wait to meet this little Blackbird!

Monday, December 8, 2014

12/8/14 - Week 8: Raspberry


We're here at our last doctor's appointment with our IVF doctor. It's really bittersweet.
I see other women come in and out of the office and wonder what stage they're in for trying to have a baby.

We have come so far.
It's hard to believe this is still real and our dream is coming true.
But it's a great feeling.
We did it!

It's a good thing to say goodbye to this doctor and soon meet with our new OB who will end up delivering our little miracle.
But it's also sad. We've been on such a journey with this office and the doctor and nurses. It will be sad to not see them anymore.

But I'm sure we will again in a few years when we try another embryo transfer for baby #2!

Somehow we are already over 8.5 weeks!  I have been having some waves of nausea but luckily they go away when I eat something.  As long as I eat every few hours, I feel fine.  I thought I might throw up once but it didn't happen and I just ate a little snack and felt better.

The baby is the size of...
A RASPBERRY!



Tuesday, December 2, 2014

12/2/14 - Happy Baby-cember!

I can't believe it's December! 
23 days until Christmas! Blackbird's first Christmas! 

It's so hard keeping this a secret from everyone!  Our big genetic tests are in the next several weeks and then we will be in the second trimester and feeling even more confident and like this is really happening!


But sadly today what's also really happening is that I pulled my lower back out. It's always been a weak point for me and I think decorating our first Christmas tree on Sunday really pushed me over the edge. It hurt yesterday but today I'm a mess. 
Normally I would take a muscle relaxer but I can't do that now! So I'm home with a heating pad trying to loosen the muscles naturally. Although I'm dying for some pain relievers...

Thursday, November 27, 2014

11/27/14 - Week 7: Blueberry

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year we have a very special extra something to be thankful for. We are so excited to be mommies and feel so grateful that we are finally on the track to get us there.

We have such wonderful family members who support us and such incredible friends.  We are feeling truly blessed and very thankful everyday. 

Today the baby is the size of....
A BLUEBERRY!



Friday, November 21, 2014

11/21/14 - 112 Beats Per Minute!

We heard the heartbeat today!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't that nervous about this appointment believe it or not because I felt like Blackbird was ok. I just felt confident that everything would be alright and we wouldn't get to this point and have something bad happen. This is our journey and this baby is meant to be!

Our doctor pulled up the ultrasound and just by looking at the screen she said, "Hallelujah!"
We said, "Can you see it? How do you know?!"
And she turned on the sound and we heard it beat for a few seconds.
Here is the heartbeat on a mini-loop:


112 beats per minute which is right on track and perfect. Then she showed us the screen and we could see the little flicker of the heart actually beating!

This is all overwhelming and so exciting. And she didn't say anything about two heartbeats so I think we are out of twin territory!
I am so happy.
Best day ever.

I said good morning to everyone I passed and wished them a Happy Thanksgiving and a Happy Friday. This was so exciting today to see and hear Blackbird's heart. I love this baby so much already. We are so grateful. This will be the best Thanksgiving yet. We have so much to be thankful for!


So we went out to dinner tonight because I realized we haven't really been out to celebrate since we got the news we were pregnant!!! Unfortunately, we tried a new Mexican place that was really loud where you sit at a table with another couple. Not my fav thing! But the atmosphere eventually died down and we could stop repeating ourselves. We got the menus and instantly became the people on our phones looking up every word.

Can I have steak?
Salsa?
Guacamole?
Carnitas?
Queso????

Being pregnant is tough. Eventually I settled on a steak and corn dish with sparkling water, but it was nerve wracking. I know it will get easier with time and by the next baby I'm sure I'll be a pro!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

11/19/14 - Week 6: Sweet Pea

I can't believe today marks six weeks!!!! 

That means Blackbird's little heart is beating and I can't wait to hear it on Friday. 
So. 
Excited. 

Today the baby is the size of....
A SWEET PEA!




Today I read that my uterus is expanding and already pushing on my bladder. 

Well this would explain why I PEED MYSELF THIS MORNING!!! 
I took the dog out and was in the elevator bending down to pet him and WHOOPS! 
A little pee came out and got on my pants. So much fun! 

And I know this will only get worse as time goes on...

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

11/18/14 - Sprinkles Anyone?!

I've been doing well and am feeling excited about Friday - the big heartbeat day. 

I haven't been quite as nervous because I believe in my gut that everything will be fine. 
This is our journey. 
This baby is meant to be. 

And recently I've been craving sweet things. I've been dying for a cupcake since Friday night! Road trip to Sprinkles?!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

11/15/14 - R&R In Santa Barbara

We are spending the weekend in Santa Barbara relaxing with our uncle. It's just what we needed.

We took a walk on the beach this afternoon with our dogs.
Blackbird's first trip to the beach! It was so relaxing and beautiful. The sun was hot and the breeze felt amazing.


I can't wait to take this baby to the beach and introduce it to my favorite place.


Friday, November 14, 2014

11/14/14 - And We're Still Pregnant!

Happy Friday!
We're waiting here at the doctor's office - so excited to make sure everything is fine.

And last night I might have taken another pregnancy test cause I'm INSANE!
At first it only gave a faint line for "positive" and I was like OH GOD I NEVER SHOULD HAVE EVEN TAKEN THIS TEST!
So I left it by my sink and when I came back before bed, it had two definite lines SO WE ARE PREGNANT!


It's still hard to believe but thank God that test was fine!

UPDATE:

Just had the appointment and everything looks great! I'm so excited. We even got a picture of this tiny baby that's about a centimeter long. So small!

And my due date isn't 7/10 the doctor said it's 7/15...which is my Mom's birthday! So crazy!
Got my flu shot today for the first time ever! Still can't believe this is happening, but I'm feeling so excited!

Next week: the HEARTBEAT!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

11/12/14 - Week 5: Orange Seed

Oh hi there!
I'm pregnant in case you haven't heard!

It's weird because it's still so early that some days I feel like my body is going through a million changes and some days I feel perfectly normal. That is I feel normal until I stand up and feel light-headed. I read that is because of the increased progesterone in my body and the blood is being sent down to the baby. My body doesn't give a shit about me anymore and I wouldn't have it any other way!!!

I'm so excited and a bit anxious about Friday morning and our first ultrasound. I just want to know that everything looks ok and is progressing as it should. So we're just trying to stay positive and enjoy the big news that we are having a baby!

Today the baby is the size of....
AN ORANGE SEED!

We are 5 weeks along today!




Sunday, November 9, 2014

11/9/14 - ICYMI, I'm Pregnant!

Here I am watching football and remembering last Sunday. I was thinking ahead to today and hoping and praying that I would be pregnant. And now I am. It's still hard to believe.

I am so looking forward to Friday to my first ultrasound. Can't wait to see everything (although it's not much just yet) but to hear that everything is ok. I love this baby so much already.

So I just took an at home pregnancy test and ICYMI (in case you missed it), I'm pregnant!!!

 

That is a moment that I wanted to have - to be able to pee on that stick and have it light up to say PREGNANT. And in less than a minute there it was. I still can't believe it but this made it seem more real.

Before I took the test, I looked to see what the expiration date was. I bought this probably a year or more ago.

It expires 07/2015.
And guess what month the baby's due... Crazy!!!

Tip of the day:
We went to a lovely baby shower today. And I realized that when you carry around a solo cup with a straw and a lime inside, everyone assumes you're drinking vodka! My club soda and lime was delicious! Still can't believe that was so easy. Let's hope I can keep this up, because my friends know how much I love to drink!

Friday, November 7, 2014

11/7/14 - Week 4: Poppy Seed

I just had my blood drawn. I'm feeling a little anxious and just want to know this baby is growing like it should. I can't wait to get the results back! I know everything will be fine...just another mini waiting game!

I've been feeling good. Still in shock that this is happening. I so wanted to be pregnant by Christmas and now I am! I just can't believe it. I'm so excited to hear that heartbeat in two weeks from today.

So today I'm already 4 weeks! (They actually start counting from when you ovulated, so by the time you find out you're pregnant or miss your period, you are already one month in!)
The baby is now the size of a poppy seed!

Here is our tiny baby in comparison with a quarter:


My boobs are definitely hurting more but thank God the nausea hasn't started just yet. I get nauseous sitting in the back seat of a car, so this could be AWFUL!
I'm trying to eat everything healthy and organic that I can.


Blood test update:
I'm so excited I could cry. Got the call. HCG is 426.
I'm pregnant.
Everything is perfect.

The number was 196 and was supposed to go up by 54% but the doctor said it usually doubles. Well it did a little more than that. I'm having a baby. We are having a baby. This is feeling more real!

They didn't mix up my blood with someone else's!
I'm fucking pregnant!!!!!!

We go to the doctor for an ultrasound every week starting next week until I'm 8 weeks along and then I can see a regular OB. We are having a baby!!!!!

About one year ago we started really trying on our own. And it's been a crazy journey after trying to do it ourselves and eventually working with doctors.

We did it. 

My wife worked so hard making her eggs perfect and we got the best embryo from her. 
Then I worked hard getting my body and mind ready and now here we are. 
Finally united. The perfect team. 

We couldn't genetically have a baby together, but this is the closest thing. I'm carrying her biological baby and we are forever connected as a family. 

This is a really special time. I'm still on cloud nine!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

11/6/14 - Baby Blackbird

Two days ago (before I had my pregnancy blood test), I got in the car at work to drive home and pressed play on my iTunes Radio CHILL JAZZ playlist that my wife created for me so I stay calm. This playlist has thousands of songs (if not more) and it randomly picks one to play.
The first one that came on was "Blackbird," a jazz rendition of the Beatles song. I always liked that song and thought "My little blackbird". I called the tiny baby that name just hoping it was still in there. And I thought that was a cute nickname.

Well yesterday when I got to work after my blood test, I had to follow up on some projects in production from a few months ago. I pulled up the first one and I looked at the production company name: Blackbird.
Ok that's weird...

Then I went online for some entertainment news and saw a headline about actors joining a movie called Blackbird. Ok this is definitely weird now! 

Lastly, I had to make a call to one of the studios and the random receptionist who answered stated her name  - which is the name we chose for our baby girl whenever we have one. So all of these signs happened within an hour and were so crazy weird.

I hoped and prayed it was the universe telling me to relax and that everything would be ok. And then my doctor called saying I'm pregnant.
It all worked out. And now we call the baby Blackbird.
Such a sweet song and it's nice to have a nickname as this baby grows :)

"Blackbird"

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

11/5/14 - THE VOTES ARE IN!

I had my blood drawn and am now anxiously awaiting the doctors call in a few hours. I'm feeling completely nauseous. Nerves I'm sure. I'm ready to know and move on in whatever direction that is. Praying it's a baby direction! Last night I did the meditation tape in the guest room, and I thought I hope we can show the baby this room one day soon.

A FEW HOURS LATER...

As it is the day after Election Day, THE VOTES ARE IN:

Omg I'm shaking.
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!
Our doctor and nurse are so excited for us. This is incredible. I feel like I'm in a dream.

My HCG number (what they measure in your blood to see if you're pregnant or not) is 196 and I have to get more blood drawn on Friday in 2 days and the number should go up by 54%. Then a week from Friday is the first ultrasound to see the gestational sac and a week from then is the heartbeat ultrasound!!!!!

So by Thanksgiving this adorable tiny little baby will have a heartbeat and be growing great, I just know it.

By my internet research I think we are due around 7/10 and I want this little baby to know that your moms are so excited to know you're on your way.
This is the best day of our lives!!!!!

Today I wore my bright blue button down shirt and one of my favorite gifts, a flowered scarf from Greece that I thought would be good luck.

After I had my blood draw, the lady taped my arm with blue tape afterwards and said, "Maybe you'll have a boy!" Who knows! We will see if the tarot cards are right! And when I got home my wife was wearing a shirt in the same color blue as me! We didn't even get ready together!

I still can't believe this is happening.  And I keep thinking back to everything that I know helped make this possible.

My APPROVED baby-making list:
1) Meditation tapes - these hands down helped me get pregnant.  They helped my body and mind connect and helped me relax.  I highly recommend CIRCLE AND BLOOM and their tapes for any stage you're in TTC!

2) Acupuncture - this certainly helped with increasing the blood flow and circulation throughout my body.  A warm, happy uterus will help with implantation and I know acupuncture helped get my body prepared.

3) Therapy - I had taken care of my body and needed to take care of my mind!  Therapy works wonders!  It's really fucking hard but dealing with things as they come up is the best gift you can give yourself.

4) Pineapples - after the transfer I ate some pineapples because they supposedly help with implantation - and looks like they did!

5) Bed rest - after the embryo transfer, you are supposed to have 48 hours of bed rest.  I did very strict bed rest with the first transfer and ended up with awful headaches (likely from my caffeine withdrawal) and I focused so much on not moving and laying down that I think it didn't help.  This time, I only stayed home for 1.5 days (because the transfer was in the afternoon) and I did lay down but also watched fun TV and distracted myself.  I didn't make everything about the transfer.  I even did the dishes and made myself lunches, it was nice to just relax but not stay in bed the entire time.

6) Staying positive - this did wonders for me.  It's so easy to think about everything that might go wrong and might not happen and it's hard to stay positive and just have faith.  I know doing this and even talking to the tiny embryo during these days helped it to settle in and know everything would be ok.

7) Warm food for breakfast - my acupuncturist said that in the morning, you need to ignite the pilot light of your body, which is your kidneys.  And your kidneys are responsible for a lot of your hormones and your uterus, etc.  So if you start the day eating cold foods, you won't get that fire going that your body needs to help with circulation, etc.  Every morning I ate either eggs or oatmeal and even added some cinnamon because that helps improve circulation.  It's so important to get your circulation to a good place so the blood flow is moving and the uterus is happy!  Otherwise it will contract and the embryo won't want to settle in there.

8) Warm socks - a huge tip!  We learned this with the first embryo transfer.  They say that warm feet equal a warm uterus.  So every single day from the transfer on, I have been wearing warm winter socks and have kept my feet toasty.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

11/4/14 - One. More. Day.

Feeling anxious today. And everyone is pissing me off! I just want to go home, take a nap and cuddle with my doggie. 

Tomorrow I will know if I'm pregnant or not. Trying to stay optimistic. Hoping all of our hard work has paid off... the meditation tapes, the acupuncture, the therapy, the building of my lining, the hormones! 

Please let this be happening. I'll go home tomorrow after work and either drink a bottle of wine or celebrate. Let's hope it's the latter. It's hard not to think that this might not have worked. I know that's my brain trying to prepare me emotionally for the fact that tomorrow might bring bad news. 

I have no idea what will happen. 
Just praying that tomorrow is the best day of my life. 

Monday, November 3, 2014

11/3/14 - Ignorance Is Bliss

Ignorance is bliss. God that is so true. I have two more full days before I know if I'm pregnant or not. Before I know if all of this hard work paid off and we can finally take a deep breath and celebrate!

So today I'm trying to remain calm and just get through the day so I can go home and watch some Monday night football! And tomorrow I'm sure I'll be more nervous. As much as I hate not knowing, it is even worse to know if the answer isn't what you want.

Right now there is hope. And I'm trying to hold on to that. I'd love to know if the answer is yes, you are having a baby! But 48 hours and all will be known.


Last time we did a transfer by this point I was irritable and craving salty foods, all of which happen before I'm going to get my period. So the fact that none of those things are happening now I must take as a good sign.

Plus the fact that I was nauseous today for all of three minutes. Hoping that's a sign! A good baby sign that there is a tiny little baby inside me. I told Jules I was nauseous today and she said, "You were nauseous?!!!!" She was so excited!

Sunday, November 2, 2014

11/2/14 - 72 Hours And Counting


Happy football Sunday! Really praying that this time next week I'm sitting here snuggled up with my snoring dog and my wife and we know that we have a baby on the way.

After the transfer last time, by now my boobs really hurt and I was showing signs of PMS. This time I feel pretty normal. Just hoping that is a good difference and trying to stay positive.

I have been pretty emotional and even a bit sad for no reason. Likely from all of the hormones I'm on but who knows. These ten days are so hard when you want something so much and have no idea if it's happening or not.

All you can do is try to stay positive.
So that's what we are doing.
72 hours and counting...

Thursday, October 30, 2014

10/30/14 - The Ten Day Wait

Ok so the "two week wait" to find out if you're pregnant or not is a long ass fucking time. So the fact that I only have to wait ten days should be great news right?!?!

Well it's been 3 days and I'm going nuts. Just trying not to think about it as much as I can but then you feel a tiny cramp in your uterus.

Gas?
Constipation?
IMPLANTATION CRAMPING?!?!??

And you feel helpless like you don't know what's happening in your own body.
Because. You. Don't.

11/5 can't come soon enough. My tapes are telling me to have gratitude and think of that when these questions arise. I'm trying to do that because I am so beyond grateful that we were even able to get to this point. And now here we are. We made it through DOUBLE SIMULTANEOUS IVF. And I recovered and we were able to do the transfer and we have the best embryo possible.

Fail proof right?! Here's hoping.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

10/29/14 - Back To The Grind

Back to work today! I miss snuggling all day with our doggie :( 

Today is going well, but I'm a bit tired. Excited to go home and relax on the couch! Just trying to remain calm at work. Being here is good though I think cause it takes my mind off of things. 

One week and we will know everything! The embryo was so beautiful in the photo. Hoping it's settling in there and feeling warm and happy :) 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

10/28/14 - Bed Rest

Today has been a perfect day of relaxing. No headaches and I've been walking around a bit and getting food and catching up on TV. It's been kind of a perfect day. 

I did a tape once today and will do another one later. I'm just feeling so optimistic and hopeful. And I have been so relaxed. I'm not making a huge deal out of this. It's been a great day snuggling with Frankie on my lap :)